Do you feel that somehow you're not measuring up in the eyes of your fellow academics?
Has being politically correct become an increasingly difficult goal to attain in your budding academic career?
Not to worry. Just brush up on the following left-lib etiquette in public discourse and everyday social interactions, and success will be yours.
Just remember that the following are the basic principles upon which all public debate and lifestyle choices must be conducted if you wish to be a true progressive leftist and politically correct:

1. Leftists should be free to call everyone else nasty names, but no one should be permitted to call leftists nasty names in return.

2. For a leftist to call someone nasty names shows social concern and awareness. For someone to call a leftist a nasty name back is immature and impolite and a guise for avoiding the issues.

3. Leftists need never document their claims (from birth, they know more than everyone else).

4. Whenever a leftist is presented with documentation of facts that contradict the leftist's theology, the leftist must insist that no facts have been presented at all.

5. No scientific sources that presents facts contradicting leftist theology are admissible. Only traditional leftist "facts" count.

6. All arguments may be settled by telling a non-leftist that he reminds you of Rush Limbaugh...or Bill O'Reilly.

7. Never ever take an economics course.

8. Never recognize the fact that every idea of Marx's was debunked over 150 years ago. Never read any social science written since Marx. Never admit that you know that Marx was a racist and anti-Semite.

9. Never visit the library.

10. Never study statistics or public-policy analysis.

11. Always insist that you truly believe at least 10% of humans are gay and that gay people are not abnormal.

12. Always say "people of color" so everyone will know you care.

13. Recycle -- conspicuously.

14. Pretend that you do not care about material things, but always buy the most expensive, cutting-edge High Definition TV, home-theatre system, or food processor.

15. Never admit that life ever involves tradeoffs. After all, when there are tradeoffs, it is harder to feel righteous.

16. Always support proposals that make the real problems of the world appear worse, just so long as agreeing with those proposals makes you feel caring and righteous.

17. Never admit that anything could be positive about the United States. Remember, the United States is the source of every problem in the world.

18. Always insist that there are few world problems that could not be improved through the destruction of Israel.

19. Always insist that you have no idea what political correctness is. (Then righteously put down the person next to you for his or her alleged racial or gender insensitivity).

20. Insist that you are more caring and compassionate than anyone else (except perhaps Mother Teresa and Hillary Clinton).

21. Always use the female pronouns half the time or more. That way everyone will know you are egalitarian.

22. Remember, you would rather that poor people in the Third World starve, rather than that they should embrace capitalism and live like you do.

23. Other people (especially in Third World nations) must always be required to relinquish their material well-being, so that you may feel idealistic.

24. Your property is sacred; other people's property is to be used for social engineering and doing good.

25. After religiously following the preceding strictures, commend yourself for being such an enlightened, caring person...unlike George W. Bush and the nation's selfish Republican voters.

Steven Plaut (Iconoclast contributor)