If you like Pina Coladas . . .

. . . then you probably would like a hot--excuse me, objectively beautiful--waitress who brings you Jack Daniels and Dr. Pepper and Pina Coladas at 1:00 in the afternoon. Of course after drinking those, you might very well become the most offensive person at a table star-studded with the most offensive of offensive people.

Regardless, though, of your regard or diregard towards these things, you will still tremble in fear when, on the fateful day of reckoning which is not too far away, you hear those bone chilling battle cries, "Unleash the Tards of War," and "Tard, spur the Midget."